Ask-phobia

Fear of the ask is alive and well. Although facing fear can feel overwhelming, there is a straightforward process for kicking it to the proverbial curb. Whereas these steps can be used on fear of all stripes, they are especially helpful for nonprofit fundraisers who struggle with a fear of the ask.

Step 1: Recognize
The first step in working through fear is recognizing the fear exists and determining the triggers. A universal trigger for fear is the threat of real or imagined harm to our physical, emotional, or psychological well-being. 

Step 2: Face
After you recognize fear, the next step is to stare it directly in the eyes. Facing your fear is just that. You turn to it, face it, and acknowledge it as a force in your life. At this point you have a decision to make. Are you going to accept the fear and live with it? Or are you going to take the next step?

Step 3: Overcome
Overcoming fear is a matter of building upon the work you did in steps one and two, turning recognition and acknowledgement into action. You are now ready to take the necessary steps to abolish the fear. A large part of banishing fear is understanding its origins.

For nonprofit fundraisers who wrestle with a fear of the ask, its origin typically falls into four main categories.

1. Money
   Lots of people are never taught how to discuss money. Many of us don't talk dollars and cents with our families, let alone with someone we are connected to via our work as fundraisers. You may find relief here in this simple fact - your prospect is fully aware you are going to discuss money at some point.
2. Public Speaking
   As the most common social fear, public speaking can be challenging - to say the least - for many. Much of a fundraiser's job involves communicating to groups large and small. Even a one-on-one visit with a prospect is, in a very real way, a form of public speaking.
3. Rejection
   Hearing "no" never feels good in our professional or personal lives. However, the more you hear it, the easier it becomes to deal with. Take it from the actor-me who has dealt with my fair share of post-audition rejection - it gets easier. Honestly acknowledging rejection as one potential outcome helps to lessen the blow of a "no."
4. Vulnerability
   Admittedly, this one can require a bit more digging and can be difficult to deal with. It may help to remember there is something in us as humans that is drawn to vulnerability. We've all felt the discomfort of finding ourselves in an emotionally vulnerable position. This familiarity is exactly what gives a sense of vulnerability its power. Sharing vulnerability appropriately and respectfully can help someone - say your prospect - feel closer to you.

There are a number of ways to conquer these fears, but for fundraisers, hands down, the most effective, efficient way to work through them is to take an acting or improvisation class. You can learn more about my acting and improv sessions designed specifically for fundraisers here.

Fear of failure, embarrassment, or rejection can negatively impact your asks. The irony is, when these cringeworthy feelings crop up it is exactly the time to lean into them rather than retreat. This is often the space where magic happens in fundraising work. Leaning into these feelings can feel scary, risky. But the lower the risk, the lower the reward and the higher the risk, the higher the reward.

Don't let ask-phobia get the better of you. It is in your power to do something about it. Take the first step today and simply recognize.